She looked in the mirror to gauge herself. Years had flown by and situations seemed the same. The silence in the house was as deafening as the silence in her mind. One where confusion reigned strong making her question her real self. Am I who I want to be today? Or, am I a mere reflection of what others expected me to be? Was their happiness weighing more than mine? Who decides what I want to be?

The Executive Self is nothing but a mirror of what others want us to be. This part of us is usually influenced by our parents, teachers, society and surprisingly, even people we do not like. Well, as astonishing as it may seem, the executive self within us is often influenced by many factors and we carry on to live our lives seeking validation from external sources.

Oftentimes, you may reach a crossroad in life where you realize you aren’t who you aimed to be. That’s great! You’ve realized it. Yet, many times, some may never realize the potential they have within and carry on living under the heavy influence of a thinking process that was never entirely theirs.

What is Executive Self?

Here, a person is -

• Heavily influenced by someone he/she admires
• Heavily influenced by someone he/she fears, hates (indirect manner)

You aren’t free if you let others define you

When a person’s Executive Self is influenced by the thoughts and actions of someone close within the family, the person tends to ignore one’s own personality and gives preferences to a style that represents an unoriginal kind of thinking. Similarly, when a person shows fear towards a certain personality, he/she may tend to get indirectly influenced by them. Such a person may exhibit the same behavior or seek validation from similar mindsets of people during the journey of life. He/she may lose the ability to view things as they are wearing the lenses of someone else’s thought process.

The Executive Self may be influenced in a positive or a negative way. What matters most is the ability to retain your own identity and imbibe the qualities that are most beneficial for your personality. The real self must be empowered to take important decisions based on what he/she truly wants without the influence of external factors.

Our life is defined by our experiences and our choices define the course of life. If you feel the ‘self’ is not developed yet, and are constantly worrying about what people think or that you are not good enough, chances are, you haven’t discovered your true self. We constantly find our thoughts building up the picture of the ideal self - this self that is built upon an imagery painted by others. In the journey to pursue this ideal self, you may experience unhappiness and dissatisfaction as failed expectations continue to follow. To find out who you really want to be, requires the ability to question, analyze, and understand the right to make a choice that best empowers your life.

Ask yourself -

• Do I enjoy what I am doing?
• Am I doing this to please someone else?
• Am I being pressurized to do this?
• What is it that I am looking for?

Build your Personality to Be Who You Really Want to Be

You cannot be who you truly want to be if you do not know what you truly want to do

The executive function of self must be developed to be able to choose and direct one’s own behavior at one’s own will. Studies have revealed that people who excel at having greater control over their executive self enjoy greater success in life (professional, personal). This is possible when a greater part of the behavior is lesser influenced by external factors and more influenced by one’s own thinking.

You may have held onto feelings of worry, anxiety, fear, resentment, guilt, depression, and more. With these tips as shared by Dr. Paras, a Mindfulness Practitioner®, and Life Leadership Coach, you can modify your thought process to overcome this Executive Self and find happiness and peace within.

1) Believe in Yourself

You are what you believe yourself to be. So, if you think you are successful, you will attract success everywhere you do. Tap the power of your thinking to believe in yourself and choose actions that are best aligned to your interests. You may face discouragement but remember, this is temporary. Your skills remain unchanged, and you can always attempt again to make your dreams come true.

2) Be Genuine

You cannot be who you truly want to be if you do not know what you truly want to do. If you’ve already asked the questions above to yourself, you must make honest attempts to discover what you truly like. It’s about charting your own life journey, so who can do it better but you?

3) Develop Self-Awareness

You may have probably realized by now that you were standing in your own path. Now that you are aware, be the best version of yourself. Developing your self-awareness skills makes it easier for you to understand others and how you are perceived as well. Soon, your personal thoughts will witness a change. There will be clarity in the mental states and you’ll find a higher level of Emotional Intelligence. With the concepts of Mindfulness, you will be aware of the thought, the emotions associated with it, and your behavior. With this vision, you are now stepping closer to being your own self.

4) Meditate

Watch your breath. Right now. Breathe well and meditate often. Regular meditation has multiple benefits. The most important being - it will get you closer to knowing your true self. The answers you seek all lie within. It’s only when you are truly aware of your current state, that you can change a few things about your path.

You can start with basic meditation to strengthen your mind. Once you use the concepts of mindfulness meditation, the wandering mind will connect with the true self.

5) Remove Self-Limiting Beliefs

The Executive Self has heard enough of these. There may have been influencing factors that told you to stop doing something as you are not good at it. Or, the self may have been influenced to choose a certain path because the person you admire demonstrates the same. Once you push these self-limiting beliefs aside, new doors will open up to reveal things that you never knew existed.

You aren’t free if you let others define you. What would you choose?

Need professional guidance to discover your true self? Write to [email protected]. You can also download the Mindfulness Practitioner® App to access meditations that will inspire, empower, and transform your life. Check out the Mindfulness Retreat schedules to book your seat and transform your life. Download the eBook to begin Mindfulness as a daily habit.